This September I'm supposed to be going to University.
I feel like I've not yet finished being a kid. I'm nineteen this year. Nineteen.
Here's the dilemma: right now I'm a film buff. Films are my life. They're not just escapism and entertainment to me. I'm full of trivia about films, I analyse them whenever I watch them and I want to learn more about them. Which is why I want to do the course. But I'm worried that I'll get into the class and be the worst one there. I'm worried I'll look like an idiot for being so naive in thinking I could get a degree in something I look like I know nothing about.
Ooh, it's hard.
And here's the other dilemma: what if I fail this year? What if I never finish my art coursework? What if I never crack Kershaw for History? What if my photography goes down the pan? What if I have a crappy day for my media exam and forget everything? What if.
I can't think about it. It's too much.
And it narks me off when people say "do your best, that's all we ask" because just doing your best isn't enough to get you into University, especially if you do your best and then fail. Fail Alevels, fail life is pretty much my outlook.
Bedtime. I need time to let my head catch up on the work I have to do tomorrow.
Ouch.
x
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ReplyDeleteWow, that is a lot of "what if"s. Hate to say it but that's all they are at the moment. Also in an annoying bit of irony, the more you think about it, worrying about it to the avoid it, the more likely it is to affect your work.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you say though, you will NEVER be a failure. And there's always an alternative out there if you want it but for now, look to the present because apart from you trying your best, it's out of your hands.
Sorry if I sound mean at all, it's all meant to be my thoughts rather than telling you what you should do :). I love you and am proud of you xxxxxx