Monday, 2 March 2009

I've let myself down.

i had an alright day today, until i got my results back from art and did so much worse than i expected. I got a C. and I worked my ARSE OFF. I was so disappointed, and I nearly had a crying session right there in front of the nicest teacher in the world (she didn't give me the C by the way).

I feel deflated today.
I've lost all faith in education. I just can't wait for parent's evening next week just to be handed my sanity on a silver plate, with instruction to be spending 6 hours out of school time a week on this, and 10 hours a week on that. There's just not enough time in the universe for these demands. And I never miss deadlines. Ever. I'm too scared of teachers to do that. So it's not like i'm some screw-up that never does any work or just prats around. I loved school until sixth form, I really did. Yeah, it had its moments but I didn't want to be anywhere else. Hell, I still want to go get a degree and work there.
But that's not going to happen at this rate. I need at least 3 Bs to get into Hull. THREE. And they don't accept National Diplomas, so Photography doesn't count. And I'm a failure at History so I'll be getting an E or a D, C if i'm mega lucky in that. So in Art I need to get an A, at least a B. And the same in Media. But it's all unlikely. I'll be one of those people who seem to stay in Sixth Form forever. And then I'll have to get an apprenticeship in hairdressing or something because I'm not good enough for higher education. I'll have failed life. My life, anyway.

It's 13 days until Mum's anniversary. 6 years.
It's going to be a real tough month and I'm already beginning to break.
Sorry.
x

1 comment:

  1. No amount of my ranting from me is going to change things so we'll just pretend I didn't make this comment. Stop writing yourself off, it doesn't suit you and anybody who knows you knows how much you're capable of. Things haven't been easily recently but you'll pull through. The worst case scenario is that you'll have to go through clearing or spend an extra year on a-levels. When compared to the rest of your life, this is a small amount of time. Anyway, that's my rant over now, enough said. I love you and hope you know I care about you, am so proud of you and will NEVER think of you as a failure, and neither will anyone else for that matter. xxxxx

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