It's frustrating being away from the one person you want, and ultimately need to spend every second with.
Sundays are my least favourite day anyway, and now I'll forever associate them with people leaving me, to go home and carry on with their every day life. I hate it. Sunday nights are the longest. They're the worst. Most Sunday nights are spent with my head in a tub of Ben and Jerry's, a sad film or sad song on repeat and crying at every little thing. Housemates are keeping very much to themselves these days, and so it's difficult to distract myself from missing my other half or my family.
It's horrible too, because I can't stop myself from shedding a tear when he leaves, yet I don't want Boyfriend to feel bad for leaving. I know he has to. I hate crying, I really do. But I'm such an idiot when it comes to emotions that I cry at everything. And it's even worse when I'm supposed to cry at something.
I'm farrrr too lucky to have my guy. He puts up with some serious shit from me. (I'm really sorry.)
Now, time for a fillum before sleeps.
x.
Sunday 28 February 2010
Thursday 18 February 2010
@embot790
I'm obsessed with Twitter. I kinda killed off the blogging thing for a while, didn't I?
Well I'll try über hard not to, I promise.
Things have never been better.
It's amazing how getting over fears to talk to people about dodgy situations can have such a good effect on everything else.
Shame the only problem atm is the fact that I've been ill this week and missed a fair few lectures and stuffs, but hopefully after some R+R this weekend, I'll be all good again.
Just a quick update.
x.
Well I'll try über hard not to, I promise.
Things have never been better.
It's amazing how getting over fears to talk to people about dodgy situations can have such a good effect on everything else.
Shame the only problem atm is the fact that I've been ill this week and missed a fair few lectures and stuffs, but hopefully after some R+R this weekend, I'll be all good again.
Just a quick update.
x.
Friday 22 January 2010
Kings & Queens
Today I had a plan.
I planned to get up at a reasonable hour, do some exercise, grab a lovely pampering shower and doll myself up to go on a huge, post-exams drinkathon.
Today Student Finance fucked up majorly and I am out of money until next wednesday.
So I had a back up plan:
I went back to bed in a huge blur of tears and anger, screamed at my phone when my housemate texted me telling me the clock was five minutes slow, slept until 3pm and sulked for the rest of the day.
Maybe Natwest will be really, really nice to me and let me get an early overdraft for this term tomorrow, and then I can go out tomorrow night and party like it's 2010.
But for now, I'mma sulk and declare my love for Karl Rapley, over and over again.
xxxxx.
I planned to get up at a reasonable hour, do some exercise, grab a lovely pampering shower and doll myself up to go on a huge, post-exams drinkathon.
Today Student Finance fucked up majorly and I am out of money until next wednesday.
So I had a back up plan:
I went back to bed in a huge blur of tears and anger, screamed at my phone when my housemate texted me telling me the clock was five minutes slow, slept until 3pm and sulked for the rest of the day.
Maybe Natwest will be really, really nice to me and let me get an early overdraft for this term tomorrow, and then I can go out tomorrow night and party like it's 2010.
But for now, I'mma sulk and declare my love for Karl Rapley, over and over again.
xxxxx.
Tuesday 19 January 2010
Essays.. Done!
Well that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
A grand total of 2,247 on one essay and 1,998 on the other.
The next part is Thursday's exam.
Eurgh, I hate timed essays.
As I'm extremely miserable due to lack of sufficient funds from the loans company and nobody's up for doing anything tonight - even TALKING to me, I'm going to write some letters. That of course nobody will ever read. (I'm such a douchebag.)
To: Him
Everything you do makes me want to punch you in the face. There's absolutely no way I want to endure another year of your incessant attention-seeking and spewing patronising and useless statements at random intervals. You suck. Get fucked.
To: Her
I still think you're an absolute goon and look like everything I hope nobody ever compares me to. You're nothing and a nobody. But if you're going to stay in this circle, you will respect boundaries and me. Otherwise your face will be on the floor.
To: Her
This applies to you too. I hate you and I don't even care.
To: Him
I'm totally marrying you. Okay, this one's dead obvious. P.s. I want your babies too. I'm sorry if this is forward, but I want little yous running around. You make me weak at the knees.
To: Her
I'm glad you're my new best friend. Out of everyone, I like you best. I know I'm gonna grow to never regret our friendship.
Laters.
x.
A grand total of 2,247 on one essay and 1,998 on the other.
The next part is Thursday's exam.
Eurgh, I hate timed essays.
As I'm extremely miserable due to lack of sufficient funds from the loans company and nobody's up for doing anything tonight - even TALKING to me, I'm going to write some letters. That of course nobody will ever read. (I'm such a douchebag.)
To: Him
Everything you do makes me want to punch you in the face. There's absolutely no way I want to endure another year of your incessant attention-seeking and spewing patronising and useless statements at random intervals. You suck. Get fucked.
To: Her
I still think you're an absolute goon and look like everything I hope nobody ever compares me to. You're nothing and a nobody. But if you're going to stay in this circle, you will respect boundaries and me. Otherwise your face will be on the floor.
To: Her
This applies to you too. I hate you and I don't even care.
To: Him
I'm totally marrying you. Okay, this one's dead obvious. P.s. I want your babies too. I'm sorry if this is forward, but I want little yous running around. You make me weak at the knees.
To: Her
I'm glad you're my new best friend. Out of everyone, I like you best. I know I'm gonna grow to never regret our friendship.
Laters.
x.
Monday 11 January 2010
Down to work.
Until the afternoon of the 21st of January I shall be working extremely hard.
2 essays and an exam.
Stress.
Worry.
Homesickness.
Scared of being away from my man.
Slightly isolated.
Prone to cabin fever type symptoms.
So I shan't be typing much til then.
Wish me luck.
2 essays and an exam.
Stress.
Worry.
Homesickness.
Scared of being away from my man.
Slightly isolated.
Prone to cabin fever type symptoms.
So I shan't be typing much til then.
Wish me luck.
Wednesday 6 January 2010
Party.
So today is my auntie's 44th birthday.
It's also my mum's 40th. And it's a real shame 'cos no doubt there would have been a hench bash this weekend and we'd all be dressing up to the nines and getting smashed with everyone who enjoys a good 'do.
It's weird, 'cos now I'm that age where I could have had a real relationship with her, and seen her as a person, not just a mum. Especially not just a mum who had cancer.
But tomorrow night, as my last proper night out in Lincoln I'm gonna have a drink on her. She would have made an awesome 40 year old. Age never stopped my mum at anything - she still partied like a frickin' teenager when she was 30.
It's also my mum's 40th. And it's a real shame 'cos no doubt there would have been a hench bash this weekend and we'd all be dressing up to the nines and getting smashed with everyone who enjoys a good 'do.
It's weird, 'cos now I'm that age where I could have had a real relationship with her, and seen her as a person, not just a mum. Especially not just a mum who had cancer.
But tomorrow night, as my last proper night out in Lincoln I'm gonna have a drink on her. She would have made an awesome 40 year old. Age never stopped my mum at anything - she still partied like a frickin' teenager when she was 30.
Happy 40th Birthday Momma Cotts.
Sunday 3 January 2010
Take me seriously.
There's this boy, right, who I'm ridiculously in love with.
We first started speaking in 2003, and met in July 2004. I instantly thought he was the most interesting and beautiful human being I've ever met. It was no surprise that I fancied the pants off him and embarked on a short but very sweet whirlwind romance.
Five years passed and we stayed as friends, but I just couldn't handle it.
When he got engaged to another girl, that was when I stopped talking to him. I'm not one for extreme romantic gestures, so to declare my love for him when he was with someone else would undoubtedly only end in more heartbreak on my end.
So imagine my (completely selfish) relief when I catch news of him being single again. A while after they broke up, we met up again for the first time. A trip to my favourite park with my sister, my sweetheart and a mutual friend ended up in childish flirting and an obvious relighting of fire.
3 days later we officially became a couple.
595 days later we're still a couple.
And although things have been difficult recently, what with my moving to another county to attend University and his becoming more independant by moving out of his parent's house, I'm confident that love might just be able to conquer pretty much anything right now.
This boy is the only person I have fallen completely in love with, and it still scares me a little bit that this one human being can consume me in such a way; have me hanging off of his every word (even the words about cars, computers and other geeky man things); spread himself into every aspect of my life; make my family love him... he really is everything to me.
Karl Adrian Rapley,
I love you.
Take me seriously.
We first started speaking in 2003, and met in July 2004. I instantly thought he was the most interesting and beautiful human being I've ever met. It was no surprise that I fancied the pants off him and embarked on a short but very sweet whirlwind romance.
Five years passed and we stayed as friends, but I just couldn't handle it.
When he got engaged to another girl, that was when I stopped talking to him. I'm not one for extreme romantic gestures, so to declare my love for him when he was with someone else would undoubtedly only end in more heartbreak on my end.
So imagine my (completely selfish) relief when I catch news of him being single again. A while after they broke up, we met up again for the first time. A trip to my favourite park with my sister, my sweetheart and a mutual friend ended up in childish flirting and an obvious relighting of fire.
3 days later we officially became a couple.
595 days later we're still a couple.
And although things have been difficult recently, what with my moving to another county to attend University and his becoming more independant by moving out of his parent's house, I'm confident that love might just be able to conquer pretty much anything right now.
This boy is the only person I have fallen completely in love with, and it still scares me a little bit that this one human being can consume me in such a way; have me hanging off of his every word (even the words about cars, computers and other geeky man things); spread himself into every aspect of my life; make my family love him... he really is everything to me.
Karl Adrian Rapley,
I love you.
Take me seriously.
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